✞ H E L L ☏ L I N E
⚠ SYSTEM NOTICE: Circle 3 drainage overflow — expect sulfur delays on all routes • Torment scheduling system under maintenance — estimated restore: NEVER • Soul Transfer Portal 9-B temporarily closed due to screaming capacity overflow • NEW: Complimentary existential dread now included with all support tickets ⚠ ⛧ HELL CORP Support Center Home Services My Tickets Soul Account FAQ How Can We Make Your Eternal Suffering More Manageable? We probably can't. But policy says we have to ask. 🔍 Search for help... (results may vary) Search Browse Help Topics 📜 Soul Contracts & Billing Dispute your eternal terms, review fine print you definitely didn't read, payment plan inquiries. 🔥 Torment Complaints Report excessive punishment, request torment adjustments, file grievances against your assigned demon. 🔄 Circle Transfers Apply for relocation between circles. Average processing time: 4,000 years. Expedited: 3,999 years. 🍽️ Cafeteria & Facilities Report food quality issues (all reports are automatically closed), restroom access (denied), break room inquiries. 👹 Demon HR Harassment complaints (lol), workplace safety violations, demon performance reviews. ❓ Existential Inquiries "Why am I here?" "Is this forever?" "Can I speak to God?" — All pre-answered: Yes, Yes, and No. Contact Support 📞 Helpline 010-666-0634 Available 24/7/eternity Hold time: ∞ minutes Calls may be recorded for torment purposes 💬 Live Chat ● Agent Available Start Chat with Edie She doesn't want to tal...
