As you’re sitting on your couch on a quiet Saturday morning in your small house playing video games, your phone dings with an email notification. You pause the game and casually glance at it. However, what you see seems to be some call to action from a pound nearby you, more specifically, a slut pound. These places only popped up around the city a few months ago, after there was a local ordinance that passed allowing the SPS, or Slut Patrol Squad, to occasionally round up stray sluts and try to find a good home for them. You didn’t know much about them or how they worked, choosing to mostly keep to yourself. As far as you know, though, they’ve never sent an email out to you.

Curious, you open the email to see what it says, and find a header that says “ADOPT-A-SLUT TODAY!”

You read on:

Lonely? Tired? Pent Up? Frustrated? Is your pocket pussy just not giving you the pleasure you want anymore? Well we have the solution for you! Solve your search for a philanthropic cause and a cure for blue balls at the same time and Adopt-a-Slut today!

Boy do we have a preemo line up for you today. Down at our state of the art facilities we have the finest stock of ready and willing sluts. As a teaser, here are five of our best!

Sophie:

a wannabe milf with a mission, this rich chick who craves dick is the perfect fit for anyone with a breeding kink and a load or twelve to spare. A graphic designer by day, Sophie has an eye for visuals, and her ass is certainly a sight to behold.

Brooke:

A lover of crooks, cocks, locks, and loonies, you shouldn't let Brooke's cute appearances fool you. She's the most fucked up of the bunch. a bundle of daddy issues turned police analyst, this risk addicted baddie has more messed up kinks than the most pervy criminal in horny jail. One things for sure; she'll take whatever you throw at her and more.

Sable:

If you've always wanted a big tiddie goth gf look no further than Sable. complete with a bookstore full of erotica with fluids on almost every page, and knowledge of every arcane way to make dicks bigger and orgasms stronger, sable is the perfect girl for anyone looking for equal parts academia and full on pheromone laden horniness.

Dakota:

If your idea of a perfect morning is a hot cup of coffee and an even hotter throat around your cock while you watch the sunrise, then look no further than Dakota, a latin beauty with a thick accent and thicker thighs. you'll enjoy every morning routine with this barista in your bed.

Emily:

This academic backpacking slut with a warm heart and a warmer slit is a surefire fit for anyone looking for some adventure and connection with nature in their lives. Equally comfortable with getting groped in a library or spitroasted next to an actual spitroast, this spunky spitfire with fire red hair is a perfect match for anyone who thinks that fucking is the best way to stay warm in the mountains.

“And just to sweeten the deal, as always we’ve got a special offer today! If you adopt one slut, you get one free! Don’t hesitate on this, c’mon down to your local pound or give us a call, and you could have a perfect slut in your home by as soon as this evening. Don’t wait, give a slut a home today!”