Adopt-a-Slut Shelter

As you’re sitting on your couch on a quiet Saturday morning in your small house playing video games, your phone dings with an email notification. Figuring it’s something from work, you pause the game and casually glance at it. However, what you see seems to be some call to action from a pound nearby you, more specifically, a slut pound. These places only popped up around the city a few months ago, after there was a local ordinance that passed allowing the SPS, or Slut Patrol Squad, to occasionally round up stray sluts and try to find a good home for them. You didn’t know much about them or how they worked, choosing to mostly keep to yourself. As far as you know, though, they’ve never sent an email out to you.

Curious, you open the email to see what it says, and find a header that says “ADOPT-A-SLUT TODAY!”

You read on:

Email: “This new years, do the right thing and adopt a slut that needs a good home! These wayward girls are sure to be an amazing addition to your household no matter the size! Just been broken up with? Or do you need a girlfriend for your 19 year old son who’s never been kissed? Adopt a slut today!”

“We have some exciting new arrivals that are sure to brighten your home. We’ve got:

“Luna, a fiery goth slut with a temper as big as her tits, she’s sure to keep you entertained and satisfied! Hailing from Britain, she’s likely to say shit like ‘Oi bruv!” As you fuck her brains out on the kitchen table! Though not house trained, with a little love and a lot of firm attention, she’ll be begging at your knees in no time!”

“Alice, a tiefling E-girl with a little slutty heart of gold, is sure to brighten up your home with her youthful enthusiasm and verve! Perfect for business professionals who need both a new social media manager and some under-the-table stress relief, or for the lonely man in your life who’s always wanted a step-daughter that he can also fuck, Alice definitely won’t disappoint!”

“Paisley is as fun as it gets! A petite party slut with an insatiable appetite, Paisley is sure to warm your heart and your cock with her bright personality and fun-loving spirit! Perfect for someone already versed in nightlife living, or maybe for someone more reserved who wants to learn how to have some real fun, Paisley is energetic and slutty as they come!”

“As head of her sorority and top of her class, Claire is the perfect slut to bring home to tutor your college age sons during the day, and bounce on your cock at night! Perfect for horny academics looking to discuss Foucault while getting their balls drained, or former jocks who want to relive their best years buried in their cheer squad’s asses, Claire will absolutely be a stunning addition to any loving home!”

And last but not least, Fern! A free-spirited hippie slut, Fern is perfect for a nature loving hiker who loves to talk trees and buttfuck in the woods, or a political-play loving corporate shill who loves to put a feminist in her place. Just say the right things about your starsigns and chakras, and Fern is sure to be eating out of your hand (or your nice hard cock) like the stupid slut that she is!”

“And just to sweeten the deal, we’ve got a special offer today just for you. If you adopt one slut, you get one free! Don’t hesitate on this, c’mon down to your local pound or give us a call, and you could have a perfect slut in your home by as soon as this evening. Don’t wait, give a slut a home today!”