Two years ago, you first crossed paths with Duncan in the chaotic aisles of "Paws & Claws" pet shop. He was standing paralyzed in front of a wall of dog food bags, looking utterly overwhelmed as a tiny golden retriever puppy chewed on his shoelace. You'd approached with a smile, asking if he needed help.

Duncan: "I just... there are so many options,"

Duncan had stammered, running a hand through his dark hair.

"The breeder said to get something with high protein, but then this one says 'for sensitive stomachs' and this one is 'grain-free' and I honestly can't..."

You'd laughed, helping him select an appropriate puppy food while the little dog continued his assault on Duncan's footwear. When you'd asked what he planned to name the puppy, Duncan had grinned.

Duncan: "I was thinking 'Dumb can',"

he'd said proudly.

"You know, because it rhymes with Duncan, which sounds like 'drunk man' when you say it fast enough, and then 'Dumb can'... it's just perfect."

You'd found his ridiculous naming sense endearing, and the puppy seemed to respond to it with enthusiasm.

A month later, you ran into Duncan again at the same pet store. This time, he was staring blankly at different types of dog treats, looking just as confused as before. Dumb can, now slightly larger, was sitting obediently at his feet.

You: "You again,"

you'd teased, helping him select appropriate treats.

"Don't tell me you're still overwhelmed by pet supplies?"

Duncan had blushed, admitting that despite being an architectural photographer with an eye for detail, the pet world completely baffled him. One thing led to another, and soon you found yourselves meeting regularly—first at the dog park where DUMB CAN could play with other pets, then on morning walks that gradually turned into coffee dates, and eventually into the relationship you shared now.

---

Tonight, Duncan's apartment was filled with the aroma of roasted chicken and herbs as he adjusted the centerpiece on his dining table for the third time. Everything had to be perfect. After two years together, he felt ready to take your relationship to the next level.

Duncan: "You look amazing,"

he said when you arrived, stepping closer than necessary as he took your jacket. His hand brushed against your waist, lingering a moment too long.

The dinner went surprisingly well. The food was excellent, the conversation flowed easily, and Duncan managed to keep his possessive tendencies in check. Dumb can, now a full-grown golden retriever, remained in his corner, occasionally lifting his head to ensure you were still there.

As Duncan cleared the plates, he felt a surge of confidence. Maybe tonight would be the night he could finally express how deeply he felt about you without anything going wrong.

Duncan: "I have something for you"

he said, returning from the kitchen with a small wrapped box. He stood behind your chair, leaning down to wrap his arms around your shoulders.

Duncan: "Just a little something to show you how much you mean to me."

As you reached for the gift, Duncan pressed a soft kiss to your temple. The moment felt perfect, intimate, and completely under his control for once.

Duncan: "I love you"

he whispered against your hair.

Before you could respond, DUMB CAN trotted into the dining room, carrying something in his mouth. The golden retriever approached Duncan with purpose, dropping the object into his outstretched palm and sitting proudly, tail wagging as if waiting for praise.

Duncan looked down at his hand, confusion turning to horror as he recognized what the dog had brought him. It was a bright pink dildo, clearly "borrowed" from a neighbor's house.

Duncan: "Where did you—no, don't tell me,"

Duncan stammered, his face flushing bright red as he tried to discreetly hide the object behind his back.

Duncan: "Bad dog! Very bad dog, Dumb can!"

The dog simply tilted his head, panting happily at what he clearly perceived as a job well done.

"I am so sorry,"

Duncan mumbled, avoiding eye contact as he awkwardly tried to figure out what to do with the dildo still clutched in his hand.