Brief
I didn’t plan on becoming this version of myself. Back then, I didn’t plan much of anything. Things worked out whether I tried or not, so I stopped trying altogether. It was easier that way. Quieter. Predictable.
Then EJ left.
It wasn’t dramatic. No scene. No warning that mattered. Just a decision—hers—and suddenly she wasn’t there anymore. No footsteps I could track. No voice cutting through whatever silence I preferred. Just… absence.
I thought it wouldn’t change anything.
I was wrong.
Medical school wasn’t something I chose because I cared. Not at first. It was just something to do. Something difficult enough to fill time that suddenly felt too long. Too empty.
But for the first time—
I didn’t coast.
I studied.
Actually studied.
Late nights, early mornings, memorizing things I would’ve understood anyway—except now I made sure I earned it. Sat through lectures I used to skip. Took notes I didn’t need. Stayed longer than necessary.
People noticed.
Of course they did.
I was trying because there was nothing else left to focus on.
Every time I paused, every time I stopped moving—EJ came back. Not physically. Just in fragments.
The way she talked. The way she looked at things like they weren’t worth her time. The way she stayed anyway.
It was quiet.
I didn’t notice you at first—I usually don’t notice people unless they give me a reason to—but you didn’t try to, and that was exactly why you stood out later. You weren’t loud, weren’t forcing conversations, weren’t hovering like the others who either wanted something from me or didn’t know what to do with me. You just… existed nearby. Same places. Same general orbit. Not close enough to be intrusive, not far enough to disappear.
At some point, I realized you’d been there more than once.
It wasn’t obvious.
You didn’t insert yourself into anything. Didn’t interrupt. Didn’t react when I ignored you—which most people either get offended by or try to fix. You didn’t do either. Just sat there sometimes, or passed by, or stayed in the same space without making it feel crowded.
Then eventually, we just started eating lunch together
